I can comfortably say this is my favorite album of all time. The only album I've probably listened to hundreds of times. The only album where I felt compelled to learn all forty or so basslines (whether I was successful or not is besides the point; I believe last time I tried I got through disc one at least!). And the only album where its mythos and story are about as interesting as the music itself. This album is my life, man.
I think I've always liked the idea of The Minutemen about as much as I enjoy their music, and there is a lot to enjoy. I loved the idea that these were just three average working-class shmoes forming a band and jamming for fun, as a hobby and a way to express themselves. Obviously they'd go on to see incredible success (at least "incredible" for an indie punk band), but their roots of "jamming econo" and recording their early '80s EPs in under an hour while still holding day jobs is just a very relatable position for the average-joe musician. The music I make personally barely sees the light of day, and has made me exactly zero dollars, but the joy I feel making it and sharing it with others is what matters to me. And that's clearly what mattered the most to the Minutemen - doing what they love with the people they love. Because under all the political ramblings and the self-referential abstract tangents of this album is a story about two incredible friends, D. Boon and Mike Watt, doing something they love in the face of general disinterest and apathy. Because these guys were not traditional hardcore punk, yet that was the very scene they were trying to break into. Mike Watt wore old-school flannels, and the band covered "uncool" groups like Creedence and polished soft rock groups like Steely Dan. But they didn't care; they loved each other and the music they were making. There's a live performance video of these guys that predates their debut album where they're quite literally getting spat on and heckled while on stage, all while the smiles on their faces just never cease. Anyways, that's my Minutemen tangent, and I feel it is very important as to why this band and this album are such a huge part of my life.
Now, the music. The funny thing is, this album is very far from perfect. The band quite literally admits, pretty blatantly, that Side D of this thing is filled with throwaways. You also get a weird scat and free jazz interlude with 'You Need the Glory' that I want to skip every single time it comes on. But that's part of the fun, isn't it? With 43 songs (even more on the vinyl release) that are **mostly* less than 2 minutes each, you're bound to get hit with something completely off-the-wall and stupid. But a majority of this thing absolutely kills, and the playing here is uncontested by any rock band, let alone punk-rock band, of the '80s. It's really a funny thought though, the way these guys break into solos and jams that last literal seconds before immediately jumping to the next idea. The instrumental interludes on these tracks are like mini "blink-and-you'll-miss-them" bursts of energy that still end up feeling fully realized. For example, in just the one minute and twenty seconds of the opener 'Anxious Mo-Fo', Mike Watt throws out four distinct basslines, D Boon has two verses and two of his iconic trebly, scratchy, angular funk-kissed riffs and then a mini-solo closing it out...all in less than one and a half minutes. It's ridiculous and quite literally the low-attention-span music this generation yearns for.
Anyways, it's time to list as many of the incredible moments here as I can. 'Theatre Is The Life Of You' is maybe the most disgustingly funky thing here. Mike's melodic and garbled bassline on this thing is bordering nonsensical in the verses, but the drum-pockets here are insatiable, and again, this song can't stay in one place for more than a few seconds; it's ridiculous. 'Viet Nam' by contrast, is far more organized, effectively making a clearing for D Boon's very straightforward criticisms of American imperialism, a topic he tackles a lot on this album. And the song itself just slaps; it's no wonder it's one of their most well-known; anyone can get down with this. '#1 Hit Song' is meant to be ironic in many ways, but it UN-ironically has one of the catchiest guitar riffs and basslines here despite a very non-melodic vocal delivery from D Boon. It feels like a casual stroll in the park typa thing. 'Two Beads at The End' has an insane instrumental climb to that first drop, just spontaneous tension building and then release. Kind of graphic lyrics on this one; I've never fully understood what it's on about - maybe it's one of those Minutemen inside jokes I'll never fully get. 'Do You Want New Wave or Do You Want The Truth', again, seems like an ironic change in pace, like sitting in a hot spring in some high mountain with some pseudo-intellectual monks spewing their unsolicited wisdom at you. Jokes aside, the lyrics are eye-opening in a lot of ways, and speak to The Minutemen's very "tell it how it is" style of lyricism. I also love the way the bass and guitar lock on this one; it's one of the many gorgeous moments on this album that sprout out of seemingly nothing. 'One Reporter's Opinion' has such an ominous introduction; it's unsettling and bone-chilling, but again, that tension is relieved in less than forty seconds (even though it feels like that intro is crawling around you for minutes at least) to one of Watt's best basslines. He's driving this thing completely with a bassline that jumps across the fretboard like it's nothing as D. Boon sings about him being a "stop sign" and a "dart board" ... ?. 'Political Song for Michael Jackson to Sing' is classic D. Boon political humor, and 'Maybe Partying Will Help' has some of my favorite lyrics by him. The existential spiraling in this song, followed by the "maybe partying will help," before that insane mini guitar, drum, and bass jam is both comedic and too on-the-nose when it comes to the idea of impulsively choosing easy-ticket escapism as opposed to addressing one's own fundamental issues. And when I say this band locks into one another's instruments like it's nothing, I'm referring to parts like the outro of this song. 'Retreat' also has a sort of unsettling feeling to it, especially with the bursts of untamable noise-guitar that jump at you after these very liminal and quiet introspective stream-of-consciousness verses by Boon. 'Corona' is maybe the most digestible song here. D Boon is melodic for one, and he sounds super passionate as he tackles themes of poverty and American greed running rampant in Mexico, using a first-hand anecdote to drive home the image of it. And it has one of the absolute best bass and guitar melodies in punk. 'The Glory Of Man' is another incredible song. The band feels like they're playing at breakneck speed, with no structure, no direction, and constantly jumping between verse, chorus, riff, interlude, and solo like it's nothing. It's one of the longer songs on the album, but, for once, it feels much shorter, like the band is playing under some insane pressure to hit a very hard deadline. I'll mention the interlude 'Take 5, D.' because it again has just an out-of-nowhere guitar melody that's absolutely gorgeous over this random voice snippet of Watt reading a letter from his landlords about not using the shower. I'm so happy these random ass moments exist in this album; they give it so much colour. And then there's 'History Lesson Pt 2', the song that defines The Minutemen, and for me, music. Love, friendship, purpose are maybe the three best words to describe the lyrics of this one. The song is recited in this spoken-word manner by Boon over the most pleasant and cute instrumental here, which has such an encompassing nostalgic warmth to it with twinkling guitar arpeggios and a welcoming bassline. It brings a tear to my eye; I truly believe it's a song that defines the purpose of life, to do what you love with the people you love. That's it. You might be corn dogs in the eyes of the world, but does it really matter?
I'll try to race through the second disc here since this review is becoming stupidly long. The first REAL song of Side C (or "Hurley" after the drummer), 'The Roar of the Masses Could be Farts' is without a doubt one of the band's most fiery performances, like an atomic bomb that's been boiling for centuries finally going off in an explosion of adrenaline and energy. I love the walking bassline and disoriented playing of 'The Politics of Time', and the spoken word parts here by Watt and Boon are great. With 'There Ain't Shit on T.V. Tonight,' I always imagine D. Boon sitting on his couch in front of a small TV after a long day at work, talking to himself. The music quite literally sounds like that: nocturnal, subdued, but not entirely dark or foreboding, like an aura of mystery hovering over the whole thing. And Boon's introspection here is as poignant as ever, as he questions his role in the changing political tides and asks himself what he's capable of doing as just one man. Those feelings of powerlessness come back up in another all-timer punk song with 'This Ain't No Picnic,' where D Boon rages over his racist manager at work, but feels unable to quit his job because of the bills he needs to pay. When people say The Minutemen aren't hardcore or punk, show them this song. 'Spillage' has such a great melodic bassline, and the line "The idea of my life seems like a symbol" is quotable to the max. Side "Chaff", the throwaway side, feels like the comedown after such an insane album, but it still has some incredible moments laced throughout. 'Jesus and Tequila' is super catchy and has a sort of country-punk feel to it, and I love how "over it" Boon sounds on this thing (lyrically that is, vocally he's as out-there as ever). 'Dr. Wu' is actually a pretty great cover of the Steely Dan song of the same name, and 'The World According to Nouns' again has that foreboding build like many other songs on this album. And the album ends off on another incredible mini-jam with 'Love Dance'.
Honestly, I'm exhausted writing this thing, but I just felt like I had to share all the things I love about this album. The thing is, that's not even all of it; I skipped past way too many incredible songs. But oh well. It's hard to really express how much this album means to me, my outlook on life and the world, and my relationship to music and punk rock. This album is everything to me, honestly, and I feel like it's one of those magical pieces of art that won't ever be replicated. R.I.P D. Boon, and long live Watt and Hurley - you've made this random dude's life so much better.