Reviews by dutch-point-pro

Ajudem-me! Parece que tomei demasiado LSD e agora toda a gente está a cantar em português e a tocar trompetes minúsculos. Na realidade, parece que invadiram uma sala de aula de música de criança pequena e começaram a tocar todos os instrumentos que encontraram... pandeiros, apitos de vara, xilofones, nossa, até consigo ouvir uma flauta de pã. Talvez eu esteja sendo assombrado pelo fantasma de Zamfir. Estou a passer-me, mano.
Acho que não deveria me surpreender ao descobrir que os Beastie Boys adoraram o sample deste álbum.

This album would’ve killed at my junior prom. Unfortunately, it came out 15 years after that glorious evening. We had to settle for Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight”. They say better late than never but that is certainly not the case with this shitbiscuit. The Darkness made me wish for The Deafness.

This album is as terrible as Glam Rock gets. Why in the hell is this on the list? They allegedly had one big hit in Britain, but I hope that is not all that is needed for inclusion. Otherwise, I’ll warm up my reviews for Chumbawumba, Double and The Bravery. The instrumentals are fine but the off-key falsetto and the performative vocals are paralyzingly bad.

Heavy, bluesy guitar rock. Just what it needs to be. Long tracks with lots of solos, but this is driving music and you need a few jams to get you through. Overall, it’s fine if a little monotonous in places. Still one Ian too many!

“We gotta move, God. We gotta migrate. You know what I’m sayin’? Bounce man, start fuckin’ with bigger and better shit. {…} I got bigger and better plans, son. No doubt, we gonna move on man. For real, son, come on, you know me man. You know my style.’ - Raekwon, intro to this album.

Now, on the surface, Raekwon is talking about moving rocks instead of bricks, but one can’t help but hear this as a prophecy of moving on from the musical style of 36 Chambers, trying to shape the Shaolin into something different, something new, something with more of Raekwon’s own vision and imprint.
But then he proceeds to give us the exact same stuff - a VERY LONG 75 minutes with the only discernible changes being stripped down orchestrations with significantly less sampling and almost none of the exciting back and forth mic-swapping that we love from the Wu. Between this slow flow, and the pointless, interminable skits (which are obligatory on every rap album at the time for some reason), this is like a bottle rocket that never lifts off and flames out on the sidewalk. You’re excited as soon as it is lit, but then you quickly realize it was all for nothing. Maybe Raekwon wants to bring something new, but the Island is so long in his bones that he can’t shake it.
This is definitely not the best solo project to come out of WTC. I’d venture it’s the worst, actually. It has a street legend, what with the purple tape story and the birth of the Rap Gambinos and such, but musically there’s not much to find here that wasn’t there before. No disrespect, because Wu-Tang IS for the children, but this one is better left alone.
This is a straight 2.5, dead center. Not good enough to round up.

This is classic 80s … tight roll those acid-washed jeans, break out the aqua-net and let’s party. The highs are legendary and the rest is fairly typical, if not better than average, pop fair. It’s a living, breathing time capsule.

Yeah sure. It rocks.🤘 Of course the slow guitar riffs are iconic but don’t sleep on the drums.

If Gorillaz went to Britain to record a new album but then got into a horrible car accident on their way to the studio in which they all got serious head injuries, were rushed to hospital, were heavily sedated, causing everything to move very slowly and, while they faded in and out of consciousness, they tried to record the album anyway, which worked but was punctuated by various snippets of randomly overheard conversations, nurses singing random catches of other songs in passing through room, a pair of lorderlies hooking up late at night in an adjacent empty bed and someone playing the Andre 3000 flute album in the background, it would sound something like this did.
This is neither innovative nor revolutionary in its use of samples … it’s just bad muzak.

This album reminds me a lot of Roxy Music. I really hate Roxy Music.
Also, I’m really uncomfortable with the sheer number of times the singer tells us how much he loves horses and dogs … like, REALLY loves them. I strongly believe the ASPCA should get involved. I really expected to hear that Sarah McLachlan song playing under a public service announcement begging me to donate to abused animals at the end of this album.
Now, in The Divine Comedy, the Italian poet Dante famously outlined his Nine Circles of Hell within the Purgatorio canticle of the epic poem. Expanding upon the biblical description of the 7 Circles of Hell, Dante’s embellishments added 2 levels of increased severity … one for violence and the other reserved for everyone involved in the making of this pompous, self-important clusterfuck of an album.

A boring general ‘punk’ vibe poorly done. I catch some echos of bands like the Smithereens, early Foo and Elvis Costello, but poorly done. This is not good and I certainly feel one day closer to death after listening to this poorly done album. Poorly done.

🎵oh these songs all sound the same🎵
🎵woah these songs all sound the same
🎵yeah these songs still sound the same
🎵’cuz these songs are all the same
🎵how did they get such critical acclaim
🎵when these songs all sound the same🎵
🎵even the hits start to sound lame🎵
🎵how come these songs all sound the same🎵

https://www.mureka.ai/song-detail/WN2cHwRf8UUBAa1mhocG5p?is_from_share=1

Well that was wholly unnecessary, now wasn’t it?

I liked this band better when they were called 311. Album could have been called “Jump Rope” because I couldn’t stop skipping.

What I don’t understand about Oasis is how the derivative riffs, whining pointless lyrics and monstrous self-importance could have fooled anyone into thinking they were anything other than average at best. Yes, they wrote a few good 90s songs, but so did 3 Doors Down or The Cranberries, and nobody’s anointing them as the second coming. This album is boring, repetitive and forgettable.

Let’s Get it On and then a bunch of other songs that want to be Let’s Get it On. One song does not a great album make. Sonic sexual harassment.

If I wanted a rich guy screaming at me about his life, I’d watch Elon at a DOGE Press Conference. This is pompous, petulant and self-important in the least interesting ways, with minimalistic musicality that leaves a lot to be desired. Lennon can certainly write a song but seems to have lost the interest or ability to write for anyone other than himself. Time has proven that he was best served as a member of a group, where his ideas could be edited, molded and held in check. His solo material digresses far too quickly into psych-political babble.

This is the pinnacle of mid-90s gangster hip-hop with its thug rap, gat-toting, blunt smoking, bitch-smacking lyrical cavalcade. If you expected antthing less from Biggie Smalls, you’re dumber than a screen door on a submarine. Because the lyrics are both powerful and polarizing, there’s a lot to love and a lot to hate. His words are unapologetic and brash and the stories he weaves are told with a deft wordplay that makes him stand out in the genre. When it works, it’s legendary. When it doesn’t, it’s offensive, dated and foolish. Musically, there’s a lot of innovative sound work with sampling and the beats are tight AF. A classic even if it offends your senses.

Did you ever wonder what happened to all the band geeks from high school? Me neither, but I bet they own this album on vinyl.

60s psychedelic rock … I’m here for this for the most part. It feels too long in places, and gets weary by the end, but it’s a pretty solid effort otherwise.

I’ve never seen a picture of anyone in this band, but they must be incredibly attractive. That’s the only conceivable way they got a record deal because this album is hot garbage. It’s comically bad. The songwriting is unbelievably pretentious and juvenile. It’s cringy. How is it possible that no one told them how terrible this was?
It almost feels like a joke. Did Will Ferrell write the songs as a Saturday Night Live sketch that never made it to air? Seriously -
Do you remember the times?
Does it ever cross your mind?
How you had no key
But the door was always open for you.
Yes, I left the door open for you
And you can walk through and through and through
And it will always be open for you.

Oh, and in case you couldn’t tell from this lyrical gem, if you ever miss the title of a song, don’t worry, because they’re gonna repeat it like 50 fucking times in every song.
I was actually pissed at Australia for allowing this to happen, until I remembered they also gave us good albums from Men at Work, Crowded House, INXS and AC/DC around the same time, so I’ll let it slide … this time.

Am I the only one who reads the reviews in foreign languages and tries to guess at what they mean, even though I don’t speak the language?

Here we go!

Gefällt mir. Ich mag die leicht quäkige Stimme. Bisher für mich das gefälligste der "unbekannten" Alben.
My guess: ”Give me more. If I die, let it be listening to The Queen. The only song that ever gave me more pleasure than this was ‘unbreak my heart’. Amen.

Bwah ni zo waw. Geen fan van country.
My guess: “Boy, I was not wowed. Guess I’m not a fan of Country”

Для такого конченного жанра старушка неплоха
My guess: “No matter what your musical taste, this will suffice, for it has both country and western.”

Zevenentwintigeneenhalve minuut Dolly Parton kan ik hebben, zo blijkt. Dolenthousiast kan ik er niet van worden, maar op het country spectrum bekeken vind ik dit nog wel te pruimen. We hebben slechtere gehad inmiddels.
My guess: “ Seventeen and a half minutes of Dolly Parton and I feel empty and blank. Dolly-enthusiasts have many words for this feeling, as do others in the country spectrum, a feeling like being in the night and having paralysis. What will happen when I turn the record over and play the other side…”

2. Cuntry.
Oops, I think this is still in English, actually.

Tää oli aikas jollotuksia täynnä koko levy. Ei ollut hyviä biisejä ja Dollyn ääni on aika erikoinen. Ei tarvi toiste kuunnella…
My guess:”That Oli is always telling me a story that makes him crack up laughing. He used to have a hair salon that Dolly now and then would visit. He was styling her hair for this album cover when the craziest thing happened …