I’m at a 1.5 that I’m going to round down to a 1. That is the first, and hopefully last time I will ever have to write a sentence like that.
This album fluctuated for a while in terms of where I was at with it; I thought the first track, “Up Against the Wall Motherfuckers” was fine – not super captivating, but just ultimately fine. I thought the second track, “Spit on It” was obnoxiously mixed and I quickly thought this would be a completely disastrous trainwreck. On the Lash had the worst intro ever, and started to reaffirm my fears, until it ended up actually being pretty good. Caviar was fine, but just sort of a directionless slog. Spike Island was decent – not that good, but it was enjoyable enough that I liked it. Kiss Like Lizards is the highest point of the album – I genuinely think it’s a great track with a lot of fun energy. By that point, I was probably at around a 2.5 that I could bump up to a 3. It was poorly mixed, sure, but it wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t appreciate what the album was going for, it just wasn’t gonna be fully my thing.
Getting Bright at Night is one of the longest, loudest, and least substantial tracks I think we’ve gotten on any album so far. It is a never-ending 9-minute mess with a never-ending guitar that never once lets the song breathe on its own merits, and it immediately fucking dragged down the mood. The sad part is that the album gets in one last good gasp of air with Big Sleep, which I thought was pretty enjoyable. After that point, from Track 9 (White Devil) and onward, the album just… ugh. Tracks 9 and 10 are fine, but completely boring – they exist for the sake of padding. Track 11, Virgin Velcro, is decent enough but it’s not doing anything new or special. By now, every song just blended together and felt the same to me, even the better ones. At this point, I had simply grown tired of the album.
Seasick is decent enough until the final 2 minutes. The final 2 minutes of Seasick broke me. It’s just noise. It’s genuinely just noise. It’s not even noise with vocals to give the appearance of music. It’s truly just noise, and it’s not even noise that’s good and relaxing in the white noise Brian Eno-esque sort of way – it’s some of the most grating and painfully awful noise ever put to tape to be commercially sold. There’s not a single positive behind it. It grows louder and louder, and then it just… transitions into “Party the Baby Off,” as I’m just supposed to accept that I had my ear to the door of a T-1000 getting tortured in a lab for the last 2 minutes like it didn’t fucking exist.
Party the Baby Off has some of the worst lyrics I’ve ever heard in any album closer ever. “But motherfuckers do what they have to, beat your face black and blue” before repeating “take off all your clothes” as the album faded out was genuinely the final straw for me. It genuinely went from an album where 3 of the first 6 tracks were fine to being an utter trainwreck of an album that I simply had no respect for.
Don’t get me wrong, I still think that On the Lash, Spike Island, Kiss Like Lizards, and Big Sleep are all good tracks, and I might throw those in my playlists. However, this album just soured on me to such a deeply harsh fucking degree that I simply don’t think I can even give it a 2, as much as I thought about doing so. If this had had even a decent closing track, I could’ve probably been nice and gone up to a 2, just barely, if only to reward the good tracks for actually being good. It’s just not there for me.
When I gave Maxinquaye a 1, it was because I simply found the album to be deeply boring – there was no energy and it did absolutely nothing for me. I’m at a 1.5 with this one, and because of the lyrics in that last track, I simply refuse to bump it up to a 2. I do think this album has a better energy and is probably still better than Maxinquaye, but it’s the third time I’m giving an album a 1 (fuck you Kid Rock), and it’s only because it had such an extreme decline that just made me feel disappointed that I even listened to it by the end. This did not need to be on the list.